Close to You (Jake)

[Nathan W. Smith]

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[atrb=style, border-left: 80px solid #85b48d;][/style] [style=width: 210px; font-family: gabriola; font-weight: 300; text-align: left; font-size: 25px; letter-spacing: -1px; text-transform: uppercase; text-shadow: 2px 2px 2px #000000; color: #c1f3ca; line-height: 50%; margin-middle: -40px]* N a t h a n i e l It was pretty late again, there really was no explanation as to why he decided to hide out here. Nate didn't want to be confined to his room just yet, so he'd lied to the orderly he'd been with, thankfully a female, and said he'd not been feeling well. Taking the opportunity of her silence to slip into the bathroom and lock himself in a stall. He didn't care if it seemed unusual either, he slid down the wall, stretching his feet out in front of him. All he wanted, were just a few minutes to himself. Instead of being monitored this closely. Granted, he understood that he was a level three, and that was what they did with level three patients, but it still seemed too suffocating. Nate frowned as he looked down at his body. Bare arms, a snug fitting shirt.Why was he wearing something like this? He actually grew a bit frustrated with himself. It was incredibly unlike him to wear something like this, but he hadn't planned on being out of his room much during the day anyway. He'd been as they said 'acting antisocial' so they requested he come down to the cafeteria for at least some social interaction and the snack. Which he'd eaten maybe half of it, not that there was much to eat. He just wasn't hungry, and now he honestly felt as if he'd gained a ton of weight from that. But he couldn't think like that anymore. According to his previous therapist, and physician, he was still quite underweight for his height. Standing at five foot, seven, he only weighed around 115 pounds. Which didn't sit well at all, but at least he actually ate things now. Nate sighed again, sounding exasperated. He forced himself back up, stumbling out of the stall and over to the sink. Running the water momentarily and washing his hands. Splashing a bit of water on his face as he hung over the sink, starting into the mirror. Resting his elbows on the edge of the sink, making a slight grimace at his reflection. "Guess the only thing i'm good at is being a screw up." Nate dropped his head, trying to force out the words that his father threw at him. The worst part was, he couldn't even say that he didn't mean it, because he didn't know if it was simply because he was mad, or because he really meant it. It wasn't like they'd ever gotten along anyway. Nate's shoulders hunched as he tucked his head downward, feeling a pull in his back as he did so, reaching up to shut the faucet off. [/style][/style]

[jacob m. harris]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 420px; height: 400px; border: 10px solid #06324D; background:#F6F6F6; border-top-right-radius:70px; border-bottom-left-radius:70px; padding:0px;] Jacob Mitchell Harris sultry and corpse-like Jake sighed. He didn’t like being at this place, and he didn’t want to stay here at all. He couldn’t believe his parents had just dropped him off, signed him in, and left. Of course the hospital that he had been in before being brought here had deemed himself a hazard to himself. Since someone had set him off at his school and told him that he was worthless, and that he could kill himself, he actually went and tried it. He was sick of dealing with himself, and everyone around him. They had decided to try to get him to eat more today. Of course they did, because while he was at the hospital they gave him an IV full of nutrients to get his body back to ‘normal’. He use to weigh a mere ninety pounds, but being in the hospital and them tracking everything, they made him gain a little over fifteen pounds. He hated it, and it made him feel fat, so today when they forced him to eat more it made him feel sick, and he felt repulsed by it all. Since of course he felt that way, he wanted to take care of it in the way he knew how. He had to wait until late at night so no one else would be in the bathroom, and he knew that he could get away with the orderly by telling them that he needed to use the bathroom. Thank god that they gave him a female, the male would most likely go in with him and hear it. When he walked into the bathroom he saw someone at the sink. He bit his lip and pulled his sleeves down more to make sure you couldn’t see the bandages on his wrist from his attempt. He leaned against one of the stalls in order to wait for the guy to leave so that he could do his business. He didn’t want anyone else knowing, and he hoped that this guy wouldn’t hang around since he was here now. Word count: about 350 Tag: nathan w. smith credit goes to cbd

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[Nathan W. Smith]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,500,bTable]

[atrb=style, border-left: 80px solid #85b48d;][/style] [style=width: 210px; font-family: gabriola; font-weight: 300; text-align: left; font-size: 25px; letter-spacing: -1px; text-transform: uppercase; text-shadow: 2px 2px 2px #000000; color: #c1f3ca; line-height: 50%; margin-middle: -40px]* N a t h a n i e l It seemed like forever that he could only hear himself breathing in here. He was so focused on it, so focused on how much he hated that sound. Of himself still breathing. He should've gone with Matt that night, and everything would've been fine. Then Nate wouldn't be here right now. So captured in his thoughts that he actually jumped violently when the door opened. He was afraid it'd be one of he orderlies coming to check on him. Despite being female. Nailing himself in the stomach with the sink. Nate's lungs forced out the air that he had in them, and it almost sounded like a laugh, though far from it. He sank onto the floor, or rather hit the floor on his knees and leaning forward as he gripped his stomach. Nate couldn't honestly help but smile, it was such a classic of him, to hurt himself in such a strange way. Accident prone it would seem still fit him. Nate though closed his eyes and his smile faded, he hated being out of breath. He was fine, or would be in a few minutes, but there was someone else in here. Actually, he didn't know who was in here, and didn't catch a glimpse of them before he failed all over the sink.Which he had to admit, actually hurt more than he would've thought it would. But when you had little to no body fat, and your hips were just there...It was pretty unavoidable. Nate's pain finally subsided enough for him to function again, turning his head though keeping his gaze a bit hidden with his hair as he looked at the other male in the bathroom. Matt? Nate felt a pang in his chest, and a desire to run away. But then he realized how stupid that was, he'd been at Matt's funeral. Whoever this was, it certainly wasn't Matt. Nate dropped his gaze, lifting his body from the hunched position. It hurt, his torso hurt in general. Both emotional and physical pain now. "Sorry. You scared me." Nate didn't think he'd stick around too much longer. Just when he felt more comfortable to move, so he just stared at the floor. Feeling awkward. That's something I'm great at. [/style][/style]

[jacob m. harris]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 420px; height: 400px; border: 10px solid #06324D; background:#F6F6F6; border-top-right-radius:70px; border-bottom-left-radius:70px; padding:0px;] Jacob Mitchell Harris sultry and corpse-like Jake saw the boy ram into the sink and he looked down and closed his eyes. He didn’t get why the kid was so jumpy, but this place could cause it definitely. He heard the kid force the air out of his lungs and then heard a little thump on the floor. He looked down after opening his eyes and saw the boy leaning on his knees while holding onto his thin frame. He knew what it was like to bash his body into something. The less meat there is to protect the bones, the more it hurts. Jake saw the boy look at him before standing up. He rubbed his arm with his one hand and bit his lip. “Um. I’m sorry… I didn’t know anyone was in here” he said quietly before looking at the ground. “I didn’t think anyone would be here this late…. I thought we were supposed to be in our rooms” he said before pulling down his sleeves again. It wasn’t that you could see the bandages or even see his hands at this point, he was just being self conscious. He didn’t want people to see it, he didn’t want people to know why he was here. Jake looked at the boy again before going into the stall and leaning against the door before taking a deep breath. He could feel the weight of the food in his stomach still and it was making him feel sick. He just wanted to hear the boy leave before he did anything, but it wasn’t going to be good timing if his stomach and mind kept it up. He felt the food trying to make its way out before he covered his mouth with his hand and closed his eyes willing it to go back down until the boy left. He couldn’t help it anymore and kneeled over the toilet before releasing all the food he ate earlier in the day, most of it digested a little. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before leaning back and sitting on his heels. He wiped off his mouth before flushing the toilet and leaning back so he was leaning against the wall to the side. Word count: about 375 Tag: nathan w. smith credit goes to cbd

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[Nathan W. Smith]

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[atrb=style, border-left: 80px solid #85b48d;][/style] [style=width: 210px; font-family: gabriola; font-weight: 300; text-align: left; font-size: 25px; letter-spacing: -1px; text-transform: uppercase; text-shadow: 2px 2px 2px #000000; color: #c1f3ca; line-height: 50%; margin-middle: -40px]* N a t h a n i e l I didn't think anyone else was in here. Fair enough, Nate thought that he was an orderly after all. He was relieved it was only another student. But strange, what was he doing here? I mean, well you know what that was a stupid question. Sort of, it was late, but it was a bathroom. Nate was still on his knees on the floor, arching his back away from his body so his stomach stretched, testing it. Which he was greeted with another wave of pain, causing him to sink and double over again. It seemed like he'd be sitting here for at least a few more minutes. He had dropped his head again, with a faint smile. It seemed that when startled, he could really hurt himself. If only it were easier, but it wasn't unfortunately. Nate wasn't trying to intrude, and it was in his nature to be concerned about others. He didn't want to hear what happened in the stall behind him, but he couldn't just pretend like it'd never happened either. Nate didn't know this boy, yet, not sure if he ever would really... So he couldn't say for sure or not if it was something to what he used to have, or rather still had. Just a different form, but maybe he just felt sick? Nate didn't really care to analyze it further, so he did the only thing he logically could do. "Are you alright?" He didn't want some person trying to off themselves while he was around. That sounded selfish, and hypocritical. Nate did genuinely care, he had a lack of seeing boundaries at times. Actually almost all of the time. Not back home, but with people in both his family and Matt's family, sans his father. Actually, this wasn't the only thing he could do. But he didn't know this person well, but you could clearly tell by the tone in his voice he was genuinely concerned. He also hated when people got sick, and often went into a near OCD episode because he'd prefer to take care of people. Nate ended up sprawling on the floor. It was entirely unsanitary, but the floor was cold, and he had just run into the sink like a genius. So it felt nice. [/style][/style]

[jacob m. harris]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 420px; height: 400px; border: 10px solid #06324D; background:#F6F6F6; border-top-right-radius:70px; border-bottom-left-radius:70px; padding:0px;] Jacob Mitchell Harris sultry and corpse-like Jake saw him stretch then double back over before he sighed. This boy wasn’t going to be leaving for a few minutes at least. Probably until he was actually able to move properly without any issues. This could cause a few problems for him. He didn’t want anyone to notice, but hopefully he’d leave if the he just went into the stall. As he went in, he still didn’t hear the boy leave. This was getting worse, especially when his stomach wasn’t agreeing with waiting. When he expelled all the food that was in his stomach he took a deep breath before he heard the boy ask if he was alright. He didn’t know what to answer. Yes, no, maybe, make up a lie saying he was fine and that he may just have a little bug? He had done that before, to make his family less suspicious when it came to his purging. When he moved and leaned against the wall he felt his body shaking. He usually got like this when he was afraid of someone finding out, or right after he purged and felt cold. The floor and wall were cold because it was night, and to top it off someone was possibly going to find out. “I’m fine” he said quietly before seeing the boy move and sprawl out on the floor. He closed his eyes and leaned them against his legs before hugging his legs closer to him. His stomach felt better, it was empty, which is exactly how he liked it. He moved the bandage up on his one wrist and ran his hand over the healing cut and stitches before taking a deep breath. Just reminding himself of how bad things could be, he knew that he wouldn’t go to cutting again, but he had so easily gone to it when someone told him. Jake moved to his knees before pulling the bandage down again and moving to open the stall door. He stepped over the boy to the sink before washing out his mouth, and washing his face off. It helped calm him down some, but also made him a little more cold. The water quickly became colder on his skin before he took a paper towel and wiped it off. He looked back down at the boy before leaning against the wall again. “Shouldn’t you be going back to your room?” he asked quietly. Word count: about 400 Tag: nathan w. smith credit goes to cbd

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[Nathan W. Smith]

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[atrb=style, border-left: 80px solid #85b48d;][/style] [style=width: 210px; font-family: gabriola; font-weight: 300; text-align: left; font-size: 25px; letter-spacing: -1px; text-transform: uppercase; text-shadow: 2px 2px 2px #000000; color: #c1f3ca; line-height: 50%; margin-middle: -40px]* N a t h a n i e l I'm fine. Nate relaxed a bit, but somehow felt a bit bitten by the words. It was so short, even then, he couldn't say he knew this person yet. He folded his arms beneath his chin, trying to concentrate on the cool floor instead. Shouldn't you be going back to your room? Nate rolled onto his side slightly after the boy had stepped over him, and had finished his use of the sink. He quirked his pierced brow and tugged at his safety stud in his lip. Impossible to get off yourself without tools that is. "I could ask you the same thing. I've been in my room all day though, after being forced to go down to the cafeteria for the evening 'snack,' that I didn't even want. I'm not eager to return to my room. Orderlies breathing down your neck is a pain." Nate didn't say it at first. But he'd taken a quick glimpse and noticed the bandage. It slipped out of his sleeve when he'd washed his hands. It looked like the one he'd received for his attempt. Though he couldn't be sure, this person seemed a bit fidgety with their arms. Not all of them were as okay as Nate was with his scarred arms. In terms of sight, but he just didn't care anymore. People knew he did it, hiding it was pointless after all. His therapist had helped him in that aspect. But hadn't made him acceptable for society as his father called it. Nate inhaled sharply as he sat up, holding his breath before returning his gaze to the boy leaning against the wall. Such a similar posture to Matt. A cool attitude too. "Hey, uh... what happened to your wrist? You don't have to answer me.. But I'd be the last person to judge someone considering the reasons i'm here. I guess even though I just sort of awkwardly met you, I wouldn't mind getting to know you or talking to you..." He stumbled at the end of his words. Somehow he felt drawn, compelled to know this person. Unsure of if it was the resemblance of Matt. He felt empty because of that. Nate held out his arms, palms facing up, although his fists were closed in a non aggressive manner. He retracted them though rather quickly, considering you could see the raised edges of the nasty scars he'd given himself. "Guess it makes me a hypocrite... But the human part of me still wants to help people... Ah.. Also, I'm Nate." Nate found somehow the strength to muster a very small smile before hiding his face. Muttering an apology as he reached up to grab onto he sink, pulling himself back up. His stomach protested already. So he just stood there momentarily in a mildly hunched position. "I'll go back if you go back." Nate glanced upward again with a gentle smirk on his face. [/style][/style]

[jacob m. harris]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 420px; height: 400px; border: 10px solid #06324D; background:#F6F6F6; border-top-right-radius:70px; border-bottom-left-radius:70px; padding:0px;] Jacob Mitchell Harris sultry and corpse-like Jake heard the boy move behind him as he was using the sink to wash his hands after he had already washed out his mouth. He bit on his lip as the guy spoke, it was a nervous habit, and he had his lips pierced for that reason, instead of biting his lip, he’d play with the piercing, but they had confiscated the rings when he entered saying they were too ‘dangerous’ for him. “I just got here today…. They brought me to the cafeteria, showed me around in general, and wanted me to eat as well, otherwise I have been in my room as well. It’s harder to do anything being such a high level”he said before shrugging. When he finished washing his hands and drying them with paper towels he quickly pulled back down his sleeves hoping he didn’t see the bandage on his wrist. When he heard him ask about it he closed his eyes and shook his head. “It’s nothing” he whispered quietly before looking at the floor. He didn’t want someone seeing it, and of course the one time he doesn’t make sure it’s showing, it ends up showing. As the boy kept talking about how he wanted to get to know him he shook his head. “I don’t plan on staying long….” he said before looking at him. He truly didn’t plan on staying long. He was perfectly fine. There wasn’t anything wrong with the way he was living, but the people at school had set him off, and he didn’t plan on cutting himself ever again. When the boy held out his arms Jake saw the scars all over them. They were white, and raised, and some made little designs, whether it was intentional or not is a different thing, but he couldn’t see what’s good about them. They marred the skin forever, and it’s not like they looked good. Now bones and tight skin looked amazing. It could be the way that he wanted himself to look, and that’s why he liked it so much compared to what other people think about it, but still it was the way he wanted to be, and the way he strived to be. When he stood up Jake moved to the side slightly away from him more, afraid that he was going to grab his arm and see what he did, because some people were like that. “I’m Jake” he said before biting his lip and looking at him again after seeing him use the sink as a crutch to stand up and he was still hunched over in pain. “I hate being in my room. I hate being watched as well” he said before sighing and looking towards the door. Just outside he knew the orderly was waiting for him to come out so that she could return him to his room for the night. Word count: about 475 Tag: nathan w. smith credit goes to cbd

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[Nathan W. Smith]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=width,500,bTable]

[atrb=style, border-left: 80px solid #85b48d;][/style] [style=width: 210px; font-family: gabriola; font-weight: 300; text-align: left; font-size: 25px; letter-spacing: -1px; text-transform: uppercase; text-shadow: 2px 2px 2px #000000; color: #c1f3ca; line-height: 50%; margin-middle: -40px]* N a t h a n i e l Nate already knew better than to pry further to people. He hated it, but it was also the only way he'd willingly talk unless it was Matt. Nate felt the bite in the back of his throat again, He forced his gaze this time. Somehow feeling as if he made a mistake. It was like swallowing bleach, it burned. Everything burned. He really did miss talking to him, seeing him, just sitting in a room with him, even if he wasn't talking. Nate had been so captivated by Matt, it was really quite strange. But it was just as equal as an attachment he had to Aryll. His younger sibling, the one person he hated hurting the most was her. She was so innocent and whenever Nate was feeling down, wouldn't hesitate to try and cheer him up. There was one time that he'd ended up hurting himself, and she just came in and held him. That memory stung too. Nate was having trouble seeing now, his eyes stung. He completely forgot that there were orderlies waiting outside and probably wondering what the heck was going on. Taking so long in the bathroom that is. Nate simply nodded quietly, unable to stifle the rising anxiety or depression that suddenly hit him. It was always lurking, but he hid it pretty well. Seeing this person though, reminded him so much of his best friend. It just tore the already large wound back open. Not literally, figuratively of course. "I-I'm sorry. You really remind me of someone else... In appearance and outward personality.... I-I won't bother you." Nate went on to mutter a few more apologies. Now he literally couldn't see, his vision was swimming and he was feeling dizzy. Instead of standing he fell right back on to the floor. Onto his knees again and doubling over, hiding his face in his hands. It was the only thing he could do to try and regain composure. But all hope of that was pretty much lost now. Great first impression to make, screw up! It didn't help that all he could think about were those last text messages that he'd sent to Matt. His mother calling him in the middle of the night just to tell him that his best friend was gone. Nate completely lost it then, starting to sob uncontrollably even though he didn't want to. Even though there was someone else here, and a complete stranger who just happened to remind him of his best friend. There was a familiarity. At least the two seemed to have similarities. Piercings, maybe similar reasons for being here. Nate was just drawn to him, and already comfortable. Maybe he was just lying to himself though. Nate's arms shifted, hooking each hand on the opposite shoulder. Raising his fingers slightly to apply a pressure to each shoulder. It hurt to cry, everything just hurt now. Nate didn't even know how to respond at the moment. So he just sat on the floor, sobbing hysterically. Actually panicking more at the fact he couldn't remember where he put his inhaler. Usually he needed it afterwards. The curse of having both asthma and an overactive emotional drive. [/style][/style]

[jacob m. harris]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 420px; height: 400px; border: 10px solid #06324D; background:#F6F6F6; border-top-right-radius:70px; border-bottom-left-radius:70px; padding:0px;] Jacob Mitchell Harris sultry and corpse-like Jake sighed and looked towards him as he got silent. He wondered what he was thinking about, but didn’t know what to say or do. When he saw the complete physical change in the boy he became worried. What did he do that affected him so much? Did seeing his bandages cause this? Or maybe it was just Jake being here. He was repulsive, so it could be that. This made himself conscious. He understood why he would hate him, because he hated himself for the same reasons. He wasn’t very good looking, and his body was fat from gaining all that weight in the hospital. When he said that he looked like someone else, and reminded him of someone else he took a deep breath. He was confused. So it was because of what he looked like. It was his entire fault this kid was freaking out. He closed his eyes and bit his lip before taking a deep breath and looking at him again. When the kid began sobbing harder and it seemed like he was trying to find something Jake began freaking out. He didn’t know what to do, or how to help him. He looked towards the door before looking back at Nate and taking a deep breath. He opened the door and saw the two female orderlies standing outside talking to one another. “Um… He… I…. um… something’s wrong” he said before watching one of them run off probably to go get someone else that could help. He took another deep breath before looking back at Nate. “It’s my fault” he whispered before looking back at the floor. Word count: about 275 Tag: nathan w. smith credit goes to cbd

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[kiptyn s. holt]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #fff; width: 450px, bTable] [style=background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 40px; text-align: center; font-family: arial; font-size: 9px; height: 50px;] NATE & JAKE 419 WORDS [/style] Being an orderly was surprisingly something that Kiptyn enjoyed. He had done his candy striper days here at the center and was even using his time as an orderly as his residency experience for his next couple of years in medical school. Another typical night in the center approached them after they got through giving the patients their evening snack in the cafeteria and had them all in their rooms nice and quiet. Although Kiptyn preferred shifts where there was a lot of medicine to give out and the like, he didn't seem to mind go around and checking charts while patients slept, either. He felt it was good experience for days that could possibly be in his future if he didn't stay at a rehab facility. Although he fully intended to stay at once, he had been taught at a young age that dreams aren't always equal to reality. Kiptyn was at the check-in desk, biding time looking through a sports magazine when one of the female orderlies ran up to him. That flashy bright white smile met her face, until he took one good look at her and knew she was freaking out about something. Kiptyn wasn't one to usually toot his own horn, but it seemed some of the newer (and she was one) orderlies around here looked up to him because he had been working with the facility since volunteering here in high school. Rather than listening to her babble about whatever was happening, he nodded in the direction she had come from to indicate that he would rather just be taken. He didn't need explanations of how she had let one of the patients she had been supposed to be watching out to use the bathroom. He didn't like excuses from other orderlies, frankly. Especially not new ones who just feared that if the patient messed up the rules on their watch, they would lose their job. But they also needed to learn that they couldn't just let the patients do as they wish. They should have called a male orderly to go in with them from the start. Hastily swinging the bathroom door open the sobbing boy on the floor was the first thing to grab his attention and he went to him quickly. "What happened?" Although his comforting hands were placed on the shoulders of the sobbing male on the floor, his face was intent on the boy who was standing, more than likely the one who had alerted the orderlies outside.

[Nathan W. Smith]

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[atrb=style, border-left: 80px solid #85b48d;][/style] [style=width: 210px; font-family: gabriola; font-weight: 300; text-align: left; font-size: 25px; letter-spacing: -1px; text-transform: uppercase; text-shadow: 2px 2px 2px #000000; color: #c1f3ca; line-height: 50%; margin-middle: -40px]* N a t h a n i e l He honestly didn't blame Jake for doing something about it. It wasn't like he could do it himself, or would do it himself. What really got him was the faintest whisper. The only words he could make out was my fault. Nate didn't think that at all, any thoughts about Matt just set him over the edge. It wasn't Jake's fault at all. Though admittedly the comment made him sob harder. It only took a few minutes before the door opened again. What happened? He couldn't be sure who the person was asking. He was assuming another orderly, and at worst an actual psychiatrist. Nate felt hands fall on his shoulders, and it set him even further over the edge. Forcing him into complete hysterics. Nate's breath had completely hitched in his throat despite how desperately he wanted to control his emotions again and force them back and away from the open. It didn't seem like he'd redeem himself though. Not to mention he probably thought Nate was a freak or something. He eventually found himself leaning forward more, sort of in an attempt to hug whoever had their hands on his shoulders. "I-I m-messed up. I-It's not his fault." Nate was trying to choke out more words but he couldn't. Breaking each sound into a sob instead, he was already on the verge of hyperventilating now. Which wouldn't be good for either his consciousness or his asthma. [/style][/style]

[jacob m. harris]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 420px; height: 400px; border: 10px solid #06324D; background:#F6F6F6; border-top-right-radius:70px; border-bottom-left-radius:70px; padding:0px;] Jacob Mitchell Harris sultry and corpse-like Jake leaned against the wall and sank down until he was holding onto his knees. He just stared into the fabric that was considered his pants. The jeans were worn, and some places it looked like it was about to rip. He heard talking outside the door and ignored it. He knew it was just the orderlies talking about what was happening, or if they were going to get fired. Of course he hoped they wouldn’t. He was able to purge everything they made him eat without getting in trouble and only Nate knew that he did it. Of course he didn’t need to purge like everyone else, his body was use to it, so if it felt the heaviness in his stomach it would do it on its own. He heard the door open and he saw a guy running in asking what happened. He couldn’t explain it, but he knew it was his fault. If he had just…. Done something differently it would work out, but he was a failure, and a screw up. He heard Nate go into more hysterics and he closed his eyes before letting his head hit the wall. It wasn’t very soft, and he could feel a nice throbbing leading to a headache now. He didn’t mean to hit himself that hard, but of course he just wanted to get away from this. If he just walked out they’d probably yell at him later. They were probably going to yell at him anyway because it was his fault. Jake looked over at Nate and seeing him move to hug the new orderly before saying it wasn’t his fault. It was though. He was the reason Nate was freaking out. Because he reminded him of someone, and because he was just a failure, he caused all of this chaos. He rested his head into his arms and shook his head. He didn’t understand why he was trying to protect him. He should be getting him in trouble, and letting him deal with the consequences. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked at the female orderly that was supposed to be in charge of him. He looked back at Nate before shaking his head. “It’s my fault. He… I…. I don’t know.” Word count: about 375 Tag: nathan w.smith and kiptyn s. holt credit goes to cbd

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[kiptyn s. holt]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,10,true][atrb=style, background-color: #fff; width: 450px, bTable] [style=background-color: #ffffff; margin-top: 40px; text-align: center; font-family: arial; font-size: 9px; height: 50px;] NATE & JAKE 445 WORDS [/style] "I'm sure neither of you is at fault." Kiptyn stated firmly, feeling the male begin to shudder even more under the weight of his hands on his shoulders. He hadn't intended to make him more upset, he was just trying to be there for him. If there was one thing that Kiptyn had learned in all of his time working at the facility, he knew that sometimes just being there to listen or to hold a patient when they were down was enough to last them a lifetime of gratitude. Although he wasn't sure the boy, who could probably hardly see through all of his tears, would remember him by morning. "Whether or not one of you is at fault is irrelevant. Something has obviously shaken Nate." Kiptyn knew his name. Although the two had never been properly introduced, Kip was good with faces and even the picture in the file had been enough to tell him that this was Nathan, who more often than not went by Nate. Unless the file was mistaken which happened at times when it came to the nicknames and the like. Sometimes staff wrote in their own nicknames for patients, nicknames that they didn't like. "Obviously, something has just shaken him. What's up, Nate. You can tell me." Kiptyn always tried to be that source of comfort for anyone who entered the center. Whether they were level one and just hated that they had to come to the hospital for their meetings and checkups and all of that jazz or whether they were level three and were residents for what seemed like a permanent length of time. They all got out eventually. It just took a little care, a little push, and a little love, and they would begin to progress. Feeling the small weight of the male on his body as he attempted to sort of hug him there on the bathroom floor, Kiptyn embraced him. It often worked the other way around. Rather than the person crying so Kiptyn goes to them to comfort them, he's usually comforting them and they start crying and tell him everything on their mind. That's why he knew that if Nate wanted to talk about it, he would do so. "Everything's going to be alright, Nate. You're not messed up. You're just different. And we're going to work out how you can work with our differences." Kiptyn opened his eyes to look up and see the other male against the wall. "You as well, Jake." In that moment Kiptyn made a sort of.. vow to himself that he would take over being orderly on both of their cases during his shifts.

[Nathan W. Smith]

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[atrb=style, border-left: 80px solid #85b48d;][/style] [style=width: 210px; font-family: gabriola; font-weight: 300; text-align: left; font-size: 25px; letter-spacing: -1px; text-transform: uppercase; text-shadow: 2px 2px 2px #000000; color: #c1f3ca; line-height: 50%; margin-middle: -40px]* N a t h a n i e l What's up, Nate. Seeing as the orderly was so close he could hear him more readily than he could Jake. He could feel the orderly embrace him, and it mildly surprised him. Unable to think about anything but Matt currently. Not anything new, he thought a lot about him. Just not in this way, because this happened. Nate shook his head momentarily, trying to fight back against crying hysterically. He'd made a mess of the whole night brilliantly. Nate didn't know what to do with himself right now. He was hugging someone who knew his name, and he couldn't even see their face. To a certain point, that was comforting, because he didn't need to know a person. Hugging him regardless of who you were, in this state would probably make him relax more. Even if he hated you, he'd appreciate it. "Matt." If he were any calmer before it was thrown back out the window when he spoke his best friend's name. He didn't know much about the staff, what they knew, but if this person knew Nate's name then he was bound to know other things about him too. That didn't even register at the moment. Nate's chest was starting to ache, most of his torso already hurt. Nate's fingers grasped at any part of the orderly's shirt to take a hold of. Sort of like a lifeline. Nate might not have liked to admit it, but now he owed these two at least a thank you. Again eventually his body just quickly tired itself out. But it was still harder to breathe, instead of sobs there were just large intakes of air. Like he had the hiccups, only faster. He wasn't sure if what the orderly was saying was helping, or if he just started to get a grip again. Nate took a note to be more careful around Jake if he was around him at all, again. He could definitely understand him being completely apprehensive and avoid him though. Not just around Jake though, he'd have to be more careful around all of the staff here now. Surely this episode would be marked down and maybe questioned. If anything he hated it was being questioned, and about his best friend. People back home knew about Matt, that was a given. Not many people here could possibly know about him. Unless it was in his file from his therapist. Who'd also conveniently known and counseled Matt. Nate managed to choke out a breathy, nervous laugh. Just enough to be heard, still returning to the fast hiccup sound. "I-I made a m-mess of t-the whole night. I'm s-sorry..." It was probably ridiculous to try and make sense of what he was saying. He felt completely unintelligible. Though he actually shifted now, growing uncomfortable with the embrace. His fingers releasing whatever they'd taken a hold of. Nate was still crying, but not quite as hysterically as before. He was though a bit pleased the orderly said again what he'd already told Jake. It wasn't his fault. [/style][/style]