Lowell, Lilliana Menelli

[Lilliana M. Lowell]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 400px; height: 250px; overflow:auto; border-left: 10px solid #657f86; background: #FCFEF5; opacity: 0.8; border-top-right-radius:60px; border-bottom-left-radius:60px;] Lilliana Menelli Lowell 19 || level three || schizophrenia/hypersexuality || mischa barton || female nicknames: Lily, Lills, Lilybell, Lilypad, Iana (ee-awna) orientation: pansexual age/dob: 19. November 12,1992. member group: level three hometown: Detroit, Michigan Don't be alarmed. This is a generic survey to all patients. I am going to ask you some questions, can you do that for me, Miss Lowell? "Yes." How would you describe yourself physically? "I'm 5'6"or 5'7" I never really measured myself. Just compared myself to other people. I weigh 120 lbs. I am light-skinned; almost vanilla-creme colored. I have deep, enriched blue colored eyes; my cousin says they rmeind him of the color of the sea. I have golden locks of hair they are usually styled differently each and every weel; I always like a new change. I don't have any tattoos, but i do have a naval piercing, I used to have a lip piercing, when I was younger, but I took it out and it closed. I have my ears pierced twice and one of these days, I will get a tongue piercing. It'd be interesting to tease the guys with it. But even then, at White Springs, they took out all my piercings. I still every now and then put them back on or re-pierce them." Well, do you have any scars or anything on you that I wouldn't be able to see with your clothes on? "Are you trying to see what I look like naked?" She smirks, legs cross and uncross, seductively. "As far as scars go...I do have a long and deep scar that runs in between my breasts and down to my belly button; there are also a few fading surrounding the roots of my hair, see?" She points to her scalp. "They're faded bald spots now, really, but no one can really see them anymore since I grew a head full of hair again." I will just disregard your flirtatious inquiry. What are some things you enjoy in life? "Whatever you say, Dr. I don't mind you asking such questions." bends over to 'itch' her leg, revealing some extra cleavage. "Well, I've only been out of White Springs for about nine months. And believe it or not, within those nine months, I had the time of my life. I listened to a lot of music, and went to a lot of concerts and clubs with my cousin. When I went clubbing, I chose to stay sober--most of the time--So, I could remember the fun memories of the night and not be that drunken chick who doesn't remember shit and is left with a terrible hangover. Sorry, but that ain't me. I loved and still do love sex." Lilliana's eyes steal a glance to the Dr. as they studiously they notes. While smirking, "I also loved teasing guys. I believe that the Tease cannot be teased. And I await that day until someone can proveme wrong on that. I love challenges; anyone who can give me a sense of a 'chase' will fully grasp my attention. I love to sculpt, believe it or not. It actually calms me down. I love quotes; I've become a quote person within the 9 months of freedom that I had outside of White Springs." I see. And what are some things you just cannot stand? "I don't hate anything, if that's what you're asking. But I do have a strong dislike toward clowns. Don't ever take me to a circus. I regretted that when I went to a fair with my cousin when i was a kid with my family, and I was scarred for life. They frightened me." A shiver ran through Lily's spine as she shuddered. Hugging herself tightly, Lilliana closed her eyes and tried to focus on the next few words that came out of her mouth. The therapist noted such behavior and jotted more notes down. "I don't like cheaters, but i'll tolerate liars. Creative liars are usually the ones I admire most; to even listen to the stories they come up with: very persuasive and magnificent. I don't like missing my pills and forgetting to take them. It's kind of hard for me to forget them, especially with the kind of help that we get around here at White Springs. But if there is ever anything interfering or preventing me to take my pills; I get really anxious for the outcomes. Thus, I take them 3 times daily. If I don't take them, then the voices start to come back and I cannot deal with that...alone." Don't ever feel like you're alone here, Lilliana. We're here to help you. Due to your increasing sexual activity in and out of the institution, how many guys have you had sex with? "Easy for you to say, Doc. And 24. I remember each and every one of them that i had sex with too. I don't think of it as slutty. I did it with class. And i stay true to my word. Although, I never got the chance of experiencing public high school, out of that whole 9 months of freedom, I spent a lot of it with a promiscuous reputation. I wouldn't make the guys cheat on their girlfriends, no, that wasn't me. They would just break it off with them to go to me and I would get tired and want something new and better, thus, they'd become a two week fling to me. Not every one of them did I have sex with, only a selected few got to have sex with me. But yes I have a long line of a history of how many boyfriends or flings, or hookups, or one night stands, whatever you want to call it. I just know one thing for sure is that I didn't have many female friends. Either back then or even now, especially in White Springs; a lot of them hated me for ruining their friendships, and they definitely didn't like me being around their new guys. I'm not a home wrecker or anything, I don't do anything to lure the men in. They come at their own will, but I'm not as badly as I was with my freedom as I am now in the institution. Call it as being enclosed with some restrictions, if you want. But something happened within those 9 months of freedom that changed me. And it wasn't just the bumpin' n grindin' that rocked my short world. A lot of things changed in my life within such a short time to make me start over more than five times of my life; to make me the person I am today." Interesting. What would you say would be your strongest trait? Name a few. "Well, I have been through a lot as well as anyone else who is a part of White Springs. I'm not here to compare my life to another, but I did face too many obstacles and managed to survive through all of them and get the long end of the stick to some extent. I am what you call a soul survivor; my cousin, Julian and I, we are both soul survivors; and together, we're a strong, supportive pair. Without each other, life would be much more difficult to make it out on my own sometimes." Sounds like you two are very close. What would you say is/are your weakness(es)? "Well, the obvious." Lilliana sighed. "I suffer from Schizophrenia. I was officially diagnosed with it since I was seventeen, almost three years ago, but I suffered from psychosis since my life was destroyed for the first time and having to deal with it for that long no my own. I have to take pills to lessen the migraines, hallucinations, and voices in my head. When I was out for 9 months, I saw a psychologist weekly. If i didn't take my pills or see my psychologist, or both, I became very risky not just for me, but for the people around me. These voices in my head are very manipulative and controlling, a lot of them have overpowered me in the past and almost led me to commit murder, a lot of the time, I argue with myself or with the voices that I hear. Often times, when this happens, it is best to jsut leave me alone because if you try to help me when i am in this condition, i could easily snap and turn on you. some people say that there is a hidden strength in each and every individual; the strength that is caused by an adrenaline rush, thus you have super-strength. Well, that super-strength plays a huge part with my schizophrenia. If you encounter me when i haven't taken my pills, it's best to stray away from me if you don't want to get hurt or even worse; paralyzed of some sort." What is something you're scared of? "Aside from clowns?" Lilliana smirked. "My schizophrenia overcoming me and taking complete control over me again. Harming someone I hold dear to me. Also to finally be able to open up to someone completely...That scares the living shit out of me." How has this affected your personality? (Can't do this in first person) Courageous;; Lilliana is never a scared person to some extent; she is not frightened of doing things either. When she sees something she wants, she will take it and go all out to pursue it. Blunt;; lily is brutally honest with people. if someone were to ask her for her opinion on something, she would give them her most in-depth and truest thought of that subject and she will definitely leave out the sugarcoating. she is very straight forward, which probably makes her come off as a bitch toward people, but in reality, the truth is, people don't like to hear the cold, hard, and naked truth; and that is what she will always give them. she will always be straight up with people; even if it costs her to hurt their feelings. Respect;; treat lilliana with the same respect she treats you. so, if she were to be a complete bitch to someone, they should be a complete bitch to her in return. if she's nice to someone, she'd expect that someone to be nice to her back. it's merely the matter of respect. it will show her that they're not afraid to be straight up with her, and it shows her that they have potential and guts to stand up against a person who may seem intimidating to them. intimidating is dumb, inferiority shouldn't exist, and superiority shouldn't be aimed for. however, that's how the world goes, and if someone can show lily that they're not afraid to stand up for themselves and give her the taste of her own medicine, or attempt to, then they, my friend, will earn her respect. Promiscuous;; Although, Lily has gone through plenty of changes in her life and has matured by getting rid of her old ways and starting anew or starting over and getting over her problems at White Springs, her promiscuity remains. The doctors diagnosed her with Hypersexuality; noticing the changes after she ventured into the real world and interacted with people outside of White Springs. When she first left White Springs, she had her Schizophrenia under control. Call it a leave on Good Behavior. She was released into the real world and socialized with other people her age and sometimes older. She became that heartless, promiscuous chick that ruined relationships and led many enemies as long as men following her like lost puppies. Like most Schizophrenics, there was an imbalance in her hormones that caused her to be that sexually. It grew to the point that sex was almost vital to her. Later, she realized that it wasn't just promiscuity that defined her personality, but it was the residual stage of schizophrenia before returning to acute schizophrenia. Ever since she was re-admitted into White Springs, where she spent most of her childhood at, she somewhat grew into a more sentimental, but still promiscuous chick who showed that a heart still remained somewhere inside her, thus, now, she is starting to actually care for other people's feelings and well-being. In other words, she is no longer as heartless as she used to be, and trust, those weren't the happiest eras of her life. Cherishing;; With the very few friends that Lily has, she cherishes them. They are what makes her the person she is. Her cousin, Julian is the only family she has left and is the only who has supported her throughout her entire life; through everything. Lover;; She's a lover, not a fight. Simply put. Well, due to some circumstances, she's a lover and not a fighter--just to an extent. She can still stand up for herself and do some serious damage to another person. Whether or not it's intentional. Tell me about your childhood and your family. "my mother's name was luciella marine lowell, she was 33 years old when she was killed. my father's name was oscar patrick, he was 37 years old when he killed himself. i had an older sister named grace annabelle lowell who was 16 years old when she also was killed. and then i had a little brought named jason avery lowell who was 8 months old when he was killed. the only remaining family i have left is my cousin, julian tyrome biggims mussolini, he is the same age as me, 19 years old and is alive and well." The therapist cleared his throats to say something, but was interrupted by Lilliana. "Before you ask anymore questions or say anything else, let me just explain it to you in full detail..." she trailed off as she continued with her monologue. it was one of those foggy nights that happened on top of a car's hood. lucielle marina harvey was shot with the unfaltering cupid's bow and arrow when she laid her eyes on oscar patrick lowell. the two of them clicked in the matter of weeks and on top of oscar's car, the two love birds made love to each other; where a beautiful baby was conceived. lucielle claimed that the night she made love to oscar was also the night that a part of her knew that she was going to get pregnant and with not mistake at all, she was evidently right. she also claimed that the mist whispered two names to call her daughter; whatever that meant. right then and there, lucielle knew exactly what to name her child as she was with this complete stranger that she recognized as the keeper to her heart for the time being. all of her life, lucielle dreamed of being a mother. all she wanted was a daughter, one more daughter than she had already been given and with all the cards being played out correctly; her wish was granted. on november 12, 1992, a beautiful baby lilliana menelli lowell was born into the world. yep, me. i grew up mostly enjoying life with my family and cousin, who was merely just a bit older than me; a few months or so. everything was really great for me and my family until my daddy had an outburst and came home drunk one night; going insane and psycho on my family. it was truly unfortunate for me to experience what i experience that night, to have my father be the very reason why my cousin was the only family i had left in my life. it was devastating to know that the night my father came home; he massacred everyone in that house. everyone, but julian and i. reason being? we're soul survivors." Scratching an inch on her elbow, Lilliana paused for a moment. "people who were alive in the 90s would never forget the oscar lowell massacre, for it was something too horrible to put behind us and completely forget. the most concerns of the community were about julian and i. we needed a home, but most of all counseling. julian refused his counseling and kept claiming that he was fine, traumatized, but fine. he needed no treatment whatsoever. however, i, on the other hand, was not the one to refuse, nor did i really agree to it. how do i say this? i was silent. yes, silent. five years silent. i was 12 years old when i finally spoke. it was a miracle, really. i was a child who had family murdered at 7 years old, who spoke for the first time when i lived in silence for 5 years. julian was right there beside me as i restarted my childhood. i was doing great progress; everything was great. it was julian, me, and those little voices in my head that i claimed were my friends; we were doing just great. a year later, i had my my 13th birthday party with my foster parents and julian. 'blow out your candles, dear.' my foster mother, claire smiled. 'you're finally entitled as a teenager; one of the best years of your life.' she added. i managed a smile and huffed a blow to my candles, but the flames never went out. however, i had no idea that claire planted these trickster candles where no matter how much they be blown on, they wouldn't go out. i wish she would have told me..i struggled in frustration, i ended up losing it altogether; i pulled my braids and screamed. and that? that was when everybody's lives were changed yet again." Lilliana shook her head as she reminisced back to the very day she stepped foot onto White Springs; chuckling a little bit as if some joke had just been told. "It was as if it were just yesterday. My step mother, Claire was peering down before me, talking to me; eye to eye. 'lilliana, dear. listen to me, you are going to stay here until you get better. you can call any time, and we will visit you day by day. it would be as if you never left us, just you will be sleeping in a different bed and be in a new place, making new friends.' Now mind you, the next few parts of this story was through Julian's side of the story. He was there when he watched me go, I don't really have any recollection of what went on at that point. Anyway, I guess, I told her that I didn't want to go and that she hated me as I was forced out of the car. 'I don't hate you, dahling. All of us love you dearly. You just need to get better, these 'friends' of yours are not making you healty-' according to Julian, I cut her off screaming and in a different tone of voice, I roared. 'We are not healthy for her?! We are a part of her! Without her, she is just a weak teenager who can never live up to her potential, do not test us!' I clearly frightened Claire, Julian told me. Even though, that wasn't the firs time she heard the voices speak for themselves,it just felt like it was the first time, every time. Claire grabbed my shoulders and started to shake me, screaming back. 'You are not Lilliana! Get out of my daughter!' she was crying. And then my 'friends' spoke again. 'You're not her mother. Leave us now, this dump will never get rid of us and nothing will be progressed. You mere adults think you know everything and what's best.' they were laughing, Julian quoted. It was then, when I jumped out of the car and grabbed my belongings, did the people in white greet me. I remember with tear-stained cheeks, I bid Julian and the outside world, Goodbye. once the door closed behind me, julian told me that claire collapsed into an outbreak of tears; praying for the first time to god; she was praying for me to get better and rid of these 'friends' that i had inside me. One year later passed, and let me tell you this, nothing got better at all. If you walked into the room that had a big ole number '3' plastered onto the door with a very tiny window that I resided behind, you would have seen a tangled, unwashed, dirty blonde-haired woman who rocked herself as she rapidly continued to talk to herself with dark circles and deep bags that appeared under her eyes due to the lack of sleep, probably. You would have seen that she was extremely skinny, too skinny, probably due to the lack of nutrition as well. you would hear her mutter words; words like, 'he doesn't know anything. she knows nothing. he can't say that about her. she can say a story about him. they must dies. she must be dead. he should kill her. no, i should kill him. yes, tomorrow. tomorrow, he will be dead. i can live. i deserve to live. what's what? who's there? hahaha, leave get out!' things like that. you would see claw marks on the wall with the woman's already bitten down to where no hail was left for her to bite; fingernails; bloodstained hands, and a dirty unclean face. and then you would see that same woman continue to talk to herself, trying to claw her way out through the wall to escape. you would hear her, 'must..get...out...cannot breatheee. leave me alone! he's out to get me! someone, help! why isn't anyone helping me?!' you would hear a woman cry out in desperation. 'get off of me. get off, get off!' you would see her scratching away everything off her skin, her face, her legs, thighs, and arms; until she would reopen those scabs and bleed all over again. 'they are eating me alive!' you would hear her scream in agony. and then thoughts would be going through your head asking endless of questions. isn't someone going to do something? isn't someone going to help that poor woman? isn't anyone going to at least stop her from destroying what's left of herself? the answer to those questions was no. no one was going to, and no one ever did. their idea of healing was making the patients realize who they were and what they needed to change about themselves to make them become independent and define themselves as their own person." Lilliana shook her head as the therapist watched every body movement she made. "Yeah," she said, with a smug. "That was your guys' definition of treatment. And oh, you probably already know this, but that woman, yeah, she was me." she stated flatly. "Five years after that, after all the nightmares and night terrors, things did end up getting better for me. i remember that day oh, so clearly. i knew that this would be a new beginning for me. i remember seeing the sunshine breaking through the window of my bedroom; telling me that autumn was here. with autumn leaves piled and brushed aside, clearing the road for the oncoming vehicles. it was a nice morning, a very nice morning. i, now, a well-groomed girl with vibrant vanilla-creme skin appeared in front of the mirror. a smile appeared on my face as i was finally the happiest girl alive. i was going home. my golden locks of hair flipped to one side as i sighed in relief. 'i'm finally at peace.' i told myself when i turned around to hear a knock at the door, in which the door opened to reveal a familiar, yet vague face. 'lilliana?' a manly voice addressed me. i put on my best smile that i had been practicing on for months. it was julian. i leaped into his arms, embracing my cousin. julian was stunned as tears fell from his eyes, freely. 'wow, you look amazing.' he told me. a rush of blood flowed through my cheeks and the color of blush embraced me. 'thank you, and you too, i am loving the..uhm..hair." i was so outdated on what the world's vocabulary had increased on, or let alone what fashion was considered 'in.' julian told me that it was a mohawk. he asked me if i was ready to come home, offering me a hand. i took his admiring the neon green mohawk of his with the neon pink spots that surrounded his hair; it was remarkable. never seen anything like it. i was more than just ready to come home. i spent six years in that crazy place and i was finally getting out. i knew, that i was one of the lucky ones to make it out alive. i was embraced with the world as i stepped outside with such happiness and passionate thoughts. i was leaving the asylum and the autumn winds were kissing my lips as the morning breeze surrounded me. the dead autumn leaves crunched beneath the soles of my shoes; i was enjoying every moment of it. 'today is the beginning of the rest of my life.' i recalled. julian agreed with me with the same happiness returned. 'today is the beginning of the rest of our lives.' he corrected me, and i simply laughed for the first time in a long time. And well, the rest of my story pretty much was summed up in the earlier questions you asked me previously." Lilliana concluded. "I was released out of White Springs, and for what I thought would be for good, turned out to only be 9 months. It was only a break to a new developmental stage of my schizophrenia; to be introduced to hypersexuality and have it send me right back into this dump. To send me back to this droning place that you guys terribly define as beautiful and decorative. This place seriously needs a makeover." Lily laughed. "Oh!" she added with a smile. "No matter how many times you isolate me from the rest of the people in the institution, no matter how many locks you put on the door, and no many how many times you pry a person off of me or the other way around, you can never stop me from having sex." she smirked. "One way or another, I will have sex. May it be with another patient, another worker, or who knows, maybe you'll be my next victim, Doc." she rolled her eyes. "Either way, as far as my hypersexuality, or whatever you wanna call it, I will forever be promiscuous. Not you or anyone in the world can change that. As for my schizophrenia, I guess, if you guys are really good at what you guys say you do, then maybe you guys can help me maintain suppress it, otherwise...If I am ever released and am at an acute psychotic breakdown; I may or may not massacre or burn this entire place to ashes. Can't guarantee anything." Lilliana mischievously laughed and crosses her arms awaiting for her doctor to say something. "By the way, you can speak now." she permitted. I have enough information, Lilliana. We're through for today. I'll have a couple of staff members escort you back to your dormitory. "You sure 'a couple' is all you need, Doc?' Lilliana inquired, smugly. roleplay sample: Every face that passed by me, every detail, every glance, every sway of the body; I couldn’t help, but wonder what story each person held within their hearts. If I could, I would gather every single person in the entire world into one big box. And with that box, I would shake it up and down, side to side, and maybe give it a little pounding. Perhaps, make it into a construed shape, and then reshape it. I would play with the box just like I would with a rubix cube. And after all the mixing and shaking, I would reopen the box, peek inside, hold my breath, and try not to breathe in the newly slaughtered bodies. I was told that the only way we could see the the truth behind a story, is to look into the eyes of a person. Well, I would pick up several eyes that popped out of their sockets, and hold a magnifying glass to it, and try to reveal the truth. Try to reveal the hardships and stories untold. I would also pick up the hearts with a pair of chopsticks, and see if any of them were heartbroken from the past or were in love with someone or something or an idea. And then if I couldn’t find anything else about the people, I would set the box out into the sea, and watch it float away, to hopefully let the sharks get to them. I don’t know, that’s just my idea of how to figure everyone out and to see how it would be in their shoes. I don’t know about you guys, but that’s my ordinary way of thinking. Spiffy || 22 || 13 years || Did you read the rules? Yes.

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